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Look at Me

Posted by Patriciaaobrien on Oct 15, 2017 in Inner Workings, Musings of a Green-Eyed Girl

I’m proud of myself. You know why? First of all, I’m here. There have been at least two periods of a week or longer in the last year in which my brain thought its job was to convince me not to go on. I had to fight with everything inside me to keep going. It was painful, excruciating, agonizing, exhausting. And I made it through somehow.

I am also proud of me because I am taking care of myself. I started doing yoga and my love for it is beyond description. It has benefitted me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And I have stuck with it! Through having substitute instructors, one instructor I loved moving away, breaks due to travel and the rec center being closed for maintenance and sick kids… I’m still showing up and loving it. I also am starting to be active in other ways that feel good. And I have been trying to nourish my body, instead of using food as a coping mechanism. I feel like some real healing and progress is happening.

I am also feeling proud of my persisting in seeking help for my mental health, even when it is challenging and confusing and trial and error and jumping through hoops, and filling out so much paperwork, and telling the same stories over and over to so many people, and going down dead ends, and waiting forever. I’m still trying.

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